S.O.S.

Ok. I'll admit. I'm in way over my head. I have a ton of reading to do for three classes. I have a crapload of practicing to do this week. I have a test next Monday, and another the Monday after that, but I don't know where to beging studying. I have errands to run, and various other things to accomplish. There aren't enough hours in the day... I have so much to do that I don't even know where to start. So I haven't. Normally at this point I would be telling a friend in this situation to stop thinking about everything they have to do, and concentrate on one item at a time. It's a pity I have such a hard time following my own advice.

Just a thought.

Some of the things that were going on in my mind during Survey of Dance today:

Maybe I thought it was going to be interesting. Maybe I thought it would be fun. Maybe I just don't get dance like I get music. Would these girls feel the same in a survey of music class as I do in this survey of dance class?
---
They talk about traditions and losing ties from our past. How can you talk about what you don't understand? Our history resembles nothing of that of India or Africa, where what Americans consider lewd is a fact of day-to-day life. Don't talk about losing traditions when what you long for has only ever existed in another country. Move to Africa if that's what you seek.
---
Why can't I get a fine arts credit from one of my music classes? I'm registered for seven. You'd think that out of one of those I'd get a fine arts credit and wouldn't have to sit in Beasley 102 for an hour and twenty minutes every Monday and Wednesday listening to people preach on a topic I don't understand.
---
How many different ways can you say the same thing?

[end]

I was smart and looked at the weather before I went to class this morning. I brought my umbrella. I brought my jacket. I neglected, however, to wear shoes that won't send you sprawling on the ground the second you hit a slippery spot. I slipped numerous times walking around campus today, but managed to keep myself upright for almost the entire day. My goal was to make my way back to my room without falling flat on my face. Of course I failed. I was so close! And then, in true Lizzie McGuire fashion, I was on the ground, facedown in a puddle. Oh, the shame! But I'll live.

There are several things I need to get done today, and only an hour and a half til my next class. I have a test next week, and another the week after that, both of which will require more studying than I'm ready to do. I also need to practice. Ahh!! There aren't enough hours in the day. I guess time-management is yet another thing I have to learn while I'm here. In the mean time, I guess I'll go get started... on something....

college, et cetera

It's been nearly a year since I last posted. I don't know why all of a sudden I'm compelled to start blogging again. I never get any feedback, and really it's more of a waste of time than anything else. But I was looking back at various things I've written on the various blogs I've had over the years (xanga, livejournal, myspace, vox, blogspot, and facebook), and it's stirred something of a nostaliga inside of me. Because despite the fact that I don't receive any feedback and the fact that no one really reads this anyway, I get some sort of satisfaction from exposing myself to the wide wide world. There are so many things bouncing around in my head, and especially now that I'm in college, but I never write them down or share them with anyone. So, why not pick up blogging again? Most of the stuff that bounces around in my head isn't half-bad, whether it be an idea for a story or just a thought on the way the world works. If I start blogging again these thoughts can be... preserved, I guess.

I think I had more to say when I started writing, but it's since flown out of my head. I'm driving to Lubbock later to go see my best friend... I wish I didn't have a studio class today!! I probably would have been at least halfway there by now.

Well, I think I'm done for now. Hopefully it won't take me another ten months to come back to the world of blogging.

End.

Dream??

Last night I had a dream where I became a dancer and then got shot in the back. Twice. According to dreammoods.com:

Dance: To dream that you are dancing, signifies freedom from constraints and harmony/balance with yourself. You are working in cooperation with yourself. It also represents frivolity, happiness, gracefulness, sensuality and sexual desires. Alternatively, it may signify intimacy and a union of the masculine and feminine aspects of yourself.

Bullet: To dream of being hit by a bullet, suggests that you need to persevere and endure the difficult times.

Maybe it's just me, but I'm having a little trouble putting two and two together here. Those two just really don't mesh. Anyone wanna offer up an interpretation?

Things that make me happy

Fortune cookies

Smiles

Ice cream

Puppy kisses

I must be a masochist or something...

...because each time I watch a chick flick it's just rubbing salt in the wound. At least in this one the guy dies at the end.

It's not that I'm ashamed or anything, it's just that you'd think that by your senior year in high school you'd at least have some idea of what everyone's always talking about.

Not me, though.

These.... bitter moods don't usually come up that often, but they have been recently. It's like everywhere I go there's a couple holding hands, a couple making out. And I suppose it's one thing to be single and know what you're missing, but to be single, seventeen, and completely in the dark...

Well, some people might call that pathetic. I would probably agree with them.

Overdue

I think a new post is long overdue. Not that anyone will read it, but it will make me feel better. I had the intention of writing about the college application process, but I've decided it's so overrated that I'm not even gonna bother.

On a happier note, I know where I want to go to school. OSU is looking like a mighty fine choice right now. I visited it this weekend and fell in love. I'm goin back in November - by myself! Get excited! =D

Anyway, this post was mostly to inform the general public that I am, indeed, still alive.

Until next time! :)

P.S. I took that picture in St. Croix (Virgin Islands) last summer. Ain't it purdy? :)

I guess it's better than being alone.

Mostly when I listen to music, I feel really indescribably happy. Every now and then, however, I get hold of a song that makes me feel... melancholy, almost. And it's funny, because whenever like that song crops up I hold on to it and listen to it obsessively. And sometimes I hear a song that doesn't make me feel happy but it doesn't make me feel sad, either. These songs are usually the ones that get me pensive, and the thoughts that float up are pretty interesting. Like tonight at church, everyone else was still downstairs having snack supper while I was upstairs alone with my thoughts. Here's a little sample of what was going through my head:

Sometimes I think I'm happier when I'm alone than when I'm around other people. People expect me to be the life of everything and just to generally bring joy, but sometimes I just don't want to be that. Like now. I'm really not as bubbly as everyone thinks I am. There's so much I have inside of me that I didn't even know existed til now... Maybe I should talk to Barbie about it. No... she might not understand. I could always just write it down. What is there to understand, anyway? That this is really just the story of a girl who thought she was happy but wasn't, who thought she had everything but really had nothing? 'Cause now I just sound like your generic emo kid. But I'm not. I'm just a girl who's alone in a big room with just her thoughts for company. And who wishes now more than ever that she had paper and pen so she could just write this all down. Funny how the only time I ever have anything to write is when I've got nothing to write on or with.

And now you're probably all thinking, "Jeez, this kid just needs to get over herself." But don't worry. I get into these moods only every once in a while. I'll be over myself by tomorrow. And if I'm not I give you full permission to slap some sense into me. (But not hard.)

Please don't add any more stress to the situation than is necessary.

Please someone tell me that I'm not the only one who feels stress coming in from all sides about the whole college application process?

From the school counselors: "You've got to keep up your attendence and make good grades so you can get into the college of your choice! Let us show you where you ought to be, even though you'd rather go elsewhere!"

From the parents (mostly my mom): "You've got to study everyday for your (insert standardized test here) so you can make a high score and get into college! You need community service hours, they like to see that! You've got to start worrying about this NOW!!"

From what seems like every college in the nation (and one overseas): "PICK ME PICK ME PICK ME!!!!!"

Jesus Christ, will y'all please just get off my back??? This is going to be stressful enough as it is, I don't need any help from the rest of the world.

Anyone who's got some experience with this process, I would really like some advice other than what's already been shoved down my throat. Comments, thoughts, suggestions, advice, anything. It's all much appreciated.

Anyway, here's a prettiful picture for you to feast your eyes upon. Enjoy. :)

Fun with camera.

I can honestly say that I did absolutely nothing productive today, and it felt so nice. I've decided that it's good to have nothing days, and we should all have them more often. They're good for your health, despite what the rest of the world may tell you.

A few nights ago I had a dream that I was in a plane crash. At first I thought we were just doing neat little spinny tricks through the air. I remember thinking, "All the people on the ground are going to think we're going down!" And then I realized that was exactly what we were doing. I went to get out my cell phone to call my parents and tell them what was happening, but the plane crashed before I got the chance. We landed in a parking lot somewhere in Dallas, and I was thrown out of the plane and bouncing around on top of these cars before I finally stopped. Somehow I survived.

Anyway, I figure that having a dream about a plane crash has got to mean something, right? So I went to dreammoods.com and typed in "plane crash." Here's what it said:

"To dream that a plane crashes, suggests that you have set overly high and unrealistic goals for yourself. Your goals may be too high and are impossible to realize. You are in danger of having it come crashing down. Alternatively, your lack of confidence, self-defeating attitude and self-doubt toward the goals you have set for yourself is represented by the crashing airplane; you do not believe in your ability to attain those goals. Loss of power and uncertainty in achieving your goals are also signified."

But, of course, what does the internet know about the way my mind works? I probably would have believed this under different circumstances, but as I never set goals for myself I know I can't reach, I find this answer completely untrue. Mostly I just think I had the dream because it was shortly after that plane crashed in Kentucky, and the rest of my dream was made up of bits and pieces of other things I had seen or that had happened to me.

BUT STILL.

Anyway, as today was my nothing day, I decided to have some fun with my camera. Here are some of the results. Enjoy. :)

Every drawing that I drew was never ever as cute as you.

Happy September!

So Tricia has been getting me hooked on things lately. Blogger, Vox, and Hellogoodbye, to name a few. And I'm finding that I'm getting really into blogging. There's just something about exposing myself to the world and getting feedback. (Please disregard the fact that I've yet to get any of said feedback.) Not to mention the fact that I love having an excuse to be on the internet.

RANDOM: I used to want to live in a lighthouse. My parents (I think it was my mom...?) shattered that by telling me that people don't live in lighthouses anymore because they all run on timers now.

SO?!?

I still want to live in one.

I think I was born in the wrong century. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love technology and all this stuff, but sometimes I wonder what life would be like if we all weren't so wired. If I could choose a century to live in, it would be the 19th.

I would wear dresses everyday, and would never wear a bra. I would wear shoes only on the specialist of occasions. I would be messy and probably have dirt smudged on my face. I would read books all the time, and when I wasn't reading, I'd be outside taking rediculously long walks and just generally enjoying nature. I would be a hopeless romantic. I would live in a log cabin on the edge of a small town and go to all the town balls. I would be outspoken, and I would never ever ride side-saddle.

End.

Untitled

Have you ever walked into a room and tried to turn on the light, only to realize that it was already on?

I need more sleep.

Anyway, I took this picture in St. Croix (U.S. Virgin Islands) last summer, and it pretty much sums up my outlook on life.

Enjoy.

Of wasting time and letting go.

I think there was something I wanted to rant about earlier today, but I don't remember what it was so it must not have been all that important.

I've been wasting alot of time lately. And by wasting time I mean not doing anything particularly productive. Watching movies instead of doing my homework, for example. Here's another one: posting on blogger when I should be studying for my test tomorrow. I don't know why I have a sudden desire to not do my homework. I've been doing really well so far this year. Hopefully I'll pick back up soon. I don't like feeling like I still have things to do.

As for the second part of my title, I think I only put it there because I just listened to "Let Go" by Frou Frou (excellent song, if you haven't heard it) and it's now stuck in my head. Not that I'm complaining, mind.

And now, to completely change tacks and possibly confuse you:

I got a message from an old friend on myspace today. I think the last time we talked was ninth grade, and we're now seniors in high school. I see her everyday on my way to fourth period, and she said that she sees me in the halls sometimes, and we never say hi to one another. We don't really even acknowledge each other. It's actually really sad, because in elementary school we were inseperable. We met on the first day of school in fourth grade, and halfway through the class our teacher threatened to seperate us because we were talking so much. We started drifting slowly around 8th grade, and by the end of ninth we had stopped talking all together. And today she sent me a message, asking me how I was doing.

I've only drifted with two other friends. One was no fault of my own. I said hi to her on the first day of ninth grade, and I guess somewhere in between middle school and high school she got to be too cool for me, because gave a fake smile and kept walking. The other nearly tore me apart, but it's been mended and is not something to go into now.

I guess all I really have to say is that this is what I expected to happen when I started high school. I didn't really know it at first, but I've learned now that sometimes no matter how hard you try you just can't hold on anymore.

(This is beginning to tie in with my title more than I thought it would.)

I'm starting to mentally prepare myself to be separated from these people in nine months when we all graduate and start making our way to college. It will take a natural disaster to separate me from some of these people, and others I don't have a hard time imagining myself rarely seeing them again, if not ever again.

But that's nine months from now, which means nine more months of each other's company, so why not make the most of it?

End.

I need a life.

I got a blogspot because my cousin said I should. Don't mistake this to mean that I do everything that anyone tells me to do, because I don't. Mostly I just can't resist signing up for anything that looks remotely interesting. Examples:

I've been on xanga.
I did livejournal for a little while.
I'm on myspace.

Now I'm on blogger. Hoorah!

So, I should be doing homework right now, but naturally I'm signing up for silly things like blogspot and thus furthering the exposure of my soul to the world.

But really, isn't that why the internet was invented?

...Don't answer that question.

Anyway, I'm feelin' good things happening in the future, so I"ll see y'all around. :)