Mostly when I listen to music, I feel really indescribably happy. Every now and then, however, I get hold of a song that makes me feel... melancholy, almost. And it's funny, because whenever like that song crops up I hold on to it and listen to it obsessively. And sometimes I hear a song that doesn't make me feel happy but it doesn't make me feel sad, either. These songs are usually the ones that get me pensive, and the thoughts that float up are pretty interesting. Like tonight at church, everyone else was still downstairs having snack supper while I was upstairs alone with my thoughts. Here's a little sample of what was going through my head:
Sometimes I think I'm happier when I'm alone than when I'm around other people. People expect me to be the life of everything and just to generally bring joy, but sometimes I just don't want to be that. Like now. I'm really not as bubbly as everyone thinks I am. There's so much I have inside of me that I didn't even know existed til now... Maybe I should talk to Barbie about it. No... she might not understand. I could always just write it down. What is there to understand, anyway? That this is really just the story of a girl who thought she was happy but wasn't, who thought she had everything but really had nothing? 'Cause now I just sound like your generic emo kid. But I'm not. I'm just a girl who's alone in a big room with just her thoughts for company. And who wishes now more than ever that she had paper and pen so she could just write this all down. Funny how the only time I ever have anything to write is when I've got nothing to write on or with.
And now you're probably all thinking, "Jeez, this kid just needs to get over herself." But don't worry. I get into these moods only every once in a while. I'll be over myself by tomorrow. And if I'm not I give you full permission to slap some sense into me. (But not hard.)
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