BFFF?

Ok so I realize it's been almost a month since my last entry, but I think it's safe for me to say that y'all (whoever "y'all" happen to be) can expect irregular updates from me. Anyhow, I really do have a reason for writing this, and that reason is that I really need to get the following complaint off my chest, but I'm not sure who to talk to about it or really even how to say it. So here goes, and wish me luck.

I love my best friend to death. She's pretty much my other half/the sister I never had, et cetera et cetera et cetera. Here's the thing: I'm always waiting on her. At least, I feel like I'm always waiting on her. When we're at home and I call her to hang out, she's got some things to do and she'll call me when she's done. Or she's gonna go get a late dinner and she call me when she's back. When I call her up just cause I wanna talk about nothing in particular, she's in the middle of something or is on her way to somewhere and will call me when she's done doing whatever it is. Sometimes she does and sometimes she doesn't.

Here's the other thing: when she doesn't have a boyfriend, she's looking for one. She has one right now, and he's pretty much Mr. Perfect. I feel like our relationship as friends comes second to theirs as significant others or lovers or whatever you want to call it. They talk more often and see each other more often and do everything more often. And I realize this all sounds petty and stupid and it probably is, but it really bothers me sometimes.

What prompted me to write this entry tonight was that earlier today she suggested we scheduled some time to talk since we can't really seem to catch each other, especially now that we're back in school, and I suggested tonight. She agreed. We didn't talk. Now while I admit to letting my computer go idle at one point while I got distracted by Sex and the City in the other room, I waited faithfully on the internet and by my phone. I don't know if the time she decided to get on was at the same time my computer decided to turn off, but we still have phones, don't we?

I guess the real problem is that I go out of my way and around the corner for every single one of my friends, and for little things, too. If I'm in the middle of something and they want to talk, I drop what I'm doing and talk. Rarely do I feel like they'd do the same for me. It just seems to be manifesting itself more clearly in me and Barbie's relationship than with anyone else. And don't take this to mean that I'm angry with Barbie or anything, because I'm not. She'd have to do something extraordinarily awful for me to even consider being angry with her. I just wish that my friends would think about doing for me what I'd do in a heartbeat for them.

I think this is something I'd eventually like to bring up with her, but I have a tendency to avoid confrontation at all costs. And anyway, if I tried to talk to her about this in my current mental state, I'd be more likely to say the wrong thing and fuck everything up than make it all better. Any advice regarding the situation and what, if anything, I should do about it would be greatly appreciated.

And because I'd like to end this post on a semi-happy note, here's the two of us being awesome at her house at three in the morning. Despite all of my previous complaints, my best friend still kicks your best friend's ass. :]